Is All the Busy-ness Necessary?

I'd like to welcome guest blogger Melody Smith, whom I met at the P20 Educator Conference last week. Melody teaches middle school in eastern Idaho. Here she touches on a subject so many of us teachers can relate to--giving our kids quality parenting time.

Thanks for joining us!

Melody Smith

Is All the Busy-ness Necessary?

"All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children."   Isaiah 54:13

I raised five kids who were active in everything from music lessons to soccer games. At times we spent more time away from home than at home. I wasn’t kidding when I told people we lived out of the van. We had snacks, drinks, changes of clothes, water, wet wipes, and shoes of all kinds and sizes mixed throughout car seats and school bags. We were a busy family, and I often bragged about it; I was a proud mother of busy children.

Once or twice a year we would have some down time - a break when there were no sports, scouts,  school, or music lessons for a couple of weeks. Those were the aaaahhhhhh times. Those were the be-at-home-as-a-family times. Those were the times I wondered,  “Can our life be more like this, somehow, someway? Do we HAVE to be so busy we live out of the van? Am I being a parent or just a chauffeur?”

It’s easy to get caught up in the “busy-ness” of kids’ activities. 
As parents, we want to support our kids’ growth in all areas of their lives - we want them to be well-rounded individuals. As kids get older, they start discovering their interests and talents. It’s also when families start getting caught up in it all. Before you know it, you’re living out of the van, and asking the same questions I did. So what can we do to make sure we don’t get so caught up in activities, we don’t have time to be a family?

Limit activities to those that are the most beneficial to your kids.
When we moved from Southern California to Eastern Idaho, we were 19 miles from the nearest town and school. We went from a 9-5 town-living lifestyle to a 10-12 hour farm-living lifestyle. This forced us to evaluate which activities were priorities. We still wanted our kids to have a variety of interests, but we couldn’t be “running to town/school” two or three times a day. Here are three questions we asked and how we answered them when limiting activities:

1. Would the activity help our children grow spiritually and emotionally? We wanted our kids to develop values and habits that would help them withstand the pressures of their growing-up years. We wanted them to develop peer relationships that would support those values, so they would become strong individuals, ready to take on their roles as adults. We decided church youth group and girl/boy scout activities helped with that goal, so they went to the top of the list.

2. Would the activity be something our children could continue to enjoy as an adult? Music is important to my husband and me; we began playing instruments as children, and we find great joy playing them as adults. We determined each of our children would find an instrument that would give joy throughout life. It took some experimenting, but each of them plays at least one instrument, and music lessons or school band went next on the list of priorities.

3. Would the activity allow our children to develop an interest based on their personalities? We determined each of our children could pursue one other activity that they enjoyed. Those activities were as varied as our children, but we asked them to limit the chosen activity to just one thing that truly interested them. I have to admit, it took some experimenting, but each of them found something they really loved doing. This focus allowed them to become very skilled at what they liked most, and it also gave us more family time; when we realized not everyone needed to be involved in all the same things, our running around time was cut considerably!

When we no longer lived in the van, I was no longer a chauffeur - I became a parent.
We used to spend so much time “getting to” activities, we had no time “be” anywhere. I was so involved in hustling around, re-stocking the van for the next round of activities, I wasn’t really involved in my children’s lives. Coaching them to do better at sports competitions was my only type of teaching moment, and helping them find the seat belts made up the majority of my supporting moments. My conversations with them were limited to, “Hurry up, we’re late” or “You must have left your [whatever] in the van.” My help with their school work amounted to shouting ideas through the chaos to the back of the van.

It was only after circumstances forced us to limit our activities that I felt I had more time to be the mom. I could sit and listen to kids read aloud or help them focus on homework at the table. We had one-on-one time over inside or outside chores where we talked about their school and peer concerns. I was more involved in their lives than ever before because I had time to really share the moments of their lives. I finally realized being the busiest mom in the neighborhood wasn’t necessarily something to brag about - being truly involved and present in my kids’ lives was!

What about you? Have you felt your family is too busy? What have you done to take the busy-ness out of your family life? We learn from each other, so share with us!

Melody blogs at thewordwisewriter.com. You can follow her on Twitter @wordwisewriter.

Coming Tomorrow: Guest Blogger Melody Smith from The Word Wise Writer

Melody Smith

It was so much fun meeting new people at the P20 Educator Conference in Twin Falls last week. One of the new friendships I formed is with Melody Smith, a fellow teacher-blogger who attended my Choose Your Own Adventure narrative writing session. After getting to know her just a little, I asked her to write a guest blog post for me, which I'm excited to share tomorrow. Melody blogs at The Word Wise Writer and tweets @wordwisewriter, so be sure to stop by and get to know this middle school teacher, writer, and proud mom and grandmother. And stop by tomorrow for her take on those busy days of parenting when it's tough to keep our priorities in order.

Balance and Boundaries

It's a great pleasure to introduce my first guest author, Dalene Vickery Parker. She currently teaches English 10-12, as well as Creative Writing, Public Speaking, and Journalism in the South Carolina public school system. Her book, Christian Teachers in Public Schools: 13 Essentials for the Classroom, was published by Beacon Hill Press in 2012.

I have been reading and loving this book! It's a realistic guide for teachers who long to share the light of Christ, but need help and support to figure out how to do so within the confines of the public school. It has been a great encouragement to me, and I know it will be to you as well. Read it. Give it as a gift to a Christian teacher who has meant a lot to you.

Post a comment below for a chance to win a signed copy of Dalene's book, Christian Teachers in Public Schools! Enter by January 1, 2016. The winner will contacted by January 5.

Thanks for blogging with me, Dalene!

Amy








Balance and Boundaries

by Dalene Vickery Parker

The first night of Christmas break I resolve not to do any schoolwork for a solid week. After all, I lost many hours’ sleep this week creating and grading exams. The last day of the semester I stayed at school until 6:30 pm, trying to wrap up, finalize, and shut down everything before leaving.

But Friday night, my mind won’t shut down –or shut out—school. Not yet, anyway. New ideas for learning activities keep popping into my head, even as I soak my weary bones in a steaming bath seasoned with Christmas Spirit essential oil. I jot down the ideas circling in my head as soon as I emerge and smile at the invitation of a new year, a new start with new students.

But Saturday morning, I still have some “old” students in mind. Malik and Nathaniel have an out-of-town wrestling match this morning at 9 am and I really want to show them some support. I don’t even like wrestling matches; they’re too intense, but for certain, they’ll get my blood pumping for any holiday cleaning or planning I need to do. Tomorrow I’ll deliver a Christmas tree and decorations to a student whose family has recently been homeless, but just acquired a “new” (115-year-old) residence. Naturally, they long to make it feel like home—and Christmas. Several members of our faculty and of my Sunday School class have partnered with me in helping this family get a new start. The school district collected money to supply Christmas gifts for the students, so they should have a wonderful day. I’m glad to be a part of that kind of joy.

But then the requests and needs of my own family and friends start pouring in. My brother’s and my mother’s cars broke down in the same week so they need transportation; my sister needs me to pick up gifts and help plan the menu for Christmas dinner; a friend who has just moved to town merits an official welcome; and of course, my husband and children deserve some time and attention, too! And oh, how I would love to tackle the cleaning projects I always put off until holidays or summer. My car and my closets are running a contest to see which one gets first place for Clutter City, USA.

What I have found the most difficult about teaching is striking the right balance between school and home, between taking care of others and taking care of me/mine. It’s challenging to know where to draw the boundary lines so that needs are met, but no harmful dependencies are formed in the process.

Of course, the first thing I must do at the start of every day and throughout the day is to ask the Lord for guidance and wisdom. His Word and other resources encouraging biblical living must take priority in my plans. For the fifth year in a row, I’m gleaning from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young constant reminders to trust Him, thank Him, and spend time in His presence. Most recently, Priscilla Shirer’s Fervent has earned a repeat reading. I know that without targeted time with Jesus and diligent prayer and focus on God’s will, I will be scattered so many different directions I won’t ever accomplish any one thing well. No matter how many good deeds I do, only those done under His direction/timing will bear the desired fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5: 22). To develop and mature those qualities, I need to stay connected to the Vine. Then my greatest desire as a Christian teacher, wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend will be fulfilled: “And they were glorifying God because of me.” Galatians 1:24

May it be so for you as well, dear sisters and brothers in Christ. Merry Christmas! May your new year be bright with His abundant love and peace. And may He guide us all into healthier balance and boundaries in all aspects of our lives.

Dalene Parker


Dalene Vickery Parker has taught high school English, Creative Writing, Journalism, and Public Speaking in South Carolina public schools for nearly three decades. Her book Christian Teachers in Public Schools provides real stories, rich encouragement, and essential tips for sharing faith, hope, and survival in the classroom. Please see http://www.worddoctor13.com/book-christian-teachers for ordering information.

Coming Soon--Guest Author Dalene Vickery Parker

Coming soon, I'm excited to welcome my first guest blogger, Dalene Vickery Parker, whose book, Christian Teachers in Public Schools: 13 Essentials for the Classroom, was published by Beacon Hill Press in 2012. She's a Christian teacher living in South Carolina. Check out her absolutely essential book, and pop by for a chance to win an autographed copy from Dalene!