Is All the Busy-ness Necessary?

I'd like to welcome guest blogger Melody Smith, whom I met at the P20 Educator Conference last week. Melody teaches middle school in eastern Idaho. Here she touches on a subject so many of us teachers can relate to--giving our kids quality parenting time.

Thanks for joining us!

Melody Smith

Is All the Busy-ness Necessary?

"All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children."   Isaiah 54:13

I raised five kids who were active in everything from music lessons to soccer games. At times we spent more time away from home than at home. I wasn’t kidding when I told people we lived out of the van. We had snacks, drinks, changes of clothes, water, wet wipes, and shoes of all kinds and sizes mixed throughout car seats and school bags. We were a busy family, and I often bragged about it; I was a proud mother of busy children.

Once or twice a year we would have some down time - a break when there were no sports, scouts,  school, or music lessons for a couple of weeks. Those were the aaaahhhhhh times. Those were the be-at-home-as-a-family times. Those were the times I wondered,  “Can our life be more like this, somehow, someway? Do we HAVE to be so busy we live out of the van? Am I being a parent or just a chauffeur?”

It’s easy to get caught up in the “busy-ness” of kids’ activities. 
As parents, we want to support our kids’ growth in all areas of their lives - we want them to be well-rounded individuals. As kids get older, they start discovering their interests and talents. It’s also when families start getting caught up in it all. Before you know it, you’re living out of the van, and asking the same questions I did. So what can we do to make sure we don’t get so caught up in activities, we don’t have time to be a family?

Limit activities to those that are the most beneficial to your kids.
When we moved from Southern California to Eastern Idaho, we were 19 miles from the nearest town and school. We went from a 9-5 town-living lifestyle to a 10-12 hour farm-living lifestyle. This forced us to evaluate which activities were priorities. We still wanted our kids to have a variety of interests, but we couldn’t be “running to town/school” two or three times a day. Here are three questions we asked and how we answered them when limiting activities:

1. Would the activity help our children grow spiritually and emotionally? We wanted our kids to develop values and habits that would help them withstand the pressures of their growing-up years. We wanted them to develop peer relationships that would support those values, so they would become strong individuals, ready to take on their roles as adults. We decided church youth group and girl/boy scout activities helped with that goal, so they went to the top of the list.

2. Would the activity be something our children could continue to enjoy as an adult? Music is important to my husband and me; we began playing instruments as children, and we find great joy playing them as adults. We determined each of our children would find an instrument that would give joy throughout life. It took some experimenting, but each of them plays at least one instrument, and music lessons or school band went next on the list of priorities.

3. Would the activity allow our children to develop an interest based on their personalities? We determined each of our children could pursue one other activity that they enjoyed. Those activities were as varied as our children, but we asked them to limit the chosen activity to just one thing that truly interested them. I have to admit, it took some experimenting, but each of them found something they really loved doing. This focus allowed them to become very skilled at what they liked most, and it also gave us more family time; when we realized not everyone needed to be involved in all the same things, our running around time was cut considerably!

When we no longer lived in the van, I was no longer a chauffeur - I became a parent.
We used to spend so much time “getting to” activities, we had no time “be” anywhere. I was so involved in hustling around, re-stocking the van for the next round of activities, I wasn’t really involved in my children’s lives. Coaching them to do better at sports competitions was my only type of teaching moment, and helping them find the seat belts made up the majority of my supporting moments. My conversations with them were limited to, “Hurry up, we’re late” or “You must have left your [whatever] in the van.” My help with their school work amounted to shouting ideas through the chaos to the back of the van.

It was only after circumstances forced us to limit our activities that I felt I had more time to be the mom. I could sit and listen to kids read aloud or help them focus on homework at the table. We had one-on-one time over inside or outside chores where we talked about their school and peer concerns. I was more involved in their lives than ever before because I had time to really share the moments of their lives. I finally realized being the busiest mom in the neighborhood wasn’t necessarily something to brag about - being truly involved and present in my kids’ lives was!

What about you? Have you felt your family is too busy? What have you done to take the busy-ness out of your family life? We learn from each other, so share with us!

Melody blogs at thewordwisewriter.com. You can follow her on Twitter @wordwisewriter.

Avoid Burnout and Get the Most Out of an Education Conference

Tomorrow is conference day for me, so I'm linking back to a post I wrote on 6 Strategies to Avoid Conference Fatigue at Education Conferences. The P20 Educator Conference I'm presenting at is only a two-day event, so I'm sure burnout won't be a factor, but for those of you heading into week-long conferences, these tips will help you pace yourself and get the most out of your experience. Enjoy!

Conference Fatigue? 6 Strategies To Avoid Burnout At Education Conferences

I once ditched part of an afternoon's worth of conference sessions I was supposed to attend. The culprit? I could blame a friend and coworker who agreed to ditch with me (was it my idea or hers?). I could blame my undiagnosed adult ADD. The real culprit, though, was conference fatigue. Fortunately, my friend and I had a cover. We were skipping conference sessions to visit the book store. Which translated into a fictitious conference session, "Breaking Down Borders and Building Literacy." Get it? Borders? Actually, that would make a good conference presentation. (Squirrel!) Okay, if you're worried that I lied to my boss, I am pretty sure I 'fessed up later.

But conference fatigue is a real thing. Sometimes you need to pack up your tote bag and head to a quiet place to digest what you've learned, not keep cramming in new information on dozens of topics over a three-day period. We're like cows. We have to ruminate.

How can we optimize our precious time at education conferences so that we glean the most valuable new learning, yet keep sane and engaged enough to retain it? Here are my six best tips:

1. Go with a friend, or better yet, a group of friends. You'll bounce ideas off each other on the car ride there or in the hotel room. You'll swap notes, handouts, and links to double or triple your take-home stash. You'll still network with strangers, but you'll have a safety net of friendly faces if social anxiety kicks in. And when you return to work, you'll have backup when it's time to present to your school staff.

2. Take few notes. It sounds counter-intuitive, but you'll actually take away more of value the fewer notes you take. If, that is, you listen attentively and jot down Web site addresses, key words, and other links to allow you to access the information later. Don't skip note-taking altogether. Just don't worry about encapsulating the whole presentation every hour. Chances are, you'll receive an email with a link to a Dropbox folder containing all the conference sessions. If not, you can often purchase CDs or audio files for a minimal fee. If you'll listen to it later, it's worth it. If not, skip that, too.

3. Interview people. In other words, network. When I go to conferences, I like to visit with other attendees between sessions. I'll ask, "What's your favorite education book?" or "What Web sites do you use every day?" or "What's your favorite science unit that you teach?" It's a great way to get right to the heart of what other teachers are doing well. They'll be thrilled to be the expert for five minutes!

4. Attend for the job you want, not the job you have. Okay, it's supposed to be "Dress for the job you want," but this applies, too. When choosing which sessions to attend, pick one or two that are intended for school administrators, technology leaders, or reading specialists. Branch out. Aim high.

5. Eat out. Don't go back to the hotel room with a doggy bag from the conference. Either eat in the conference dining room with other attendees or go out to a nice restaurant with a few old or new friends. You'll all be ready to talk after taking in lectures (or if you're lucky, interactive sessions) all morning. Share!

6. And yes, do carve out some time to ruminate when the need arises. Maybe you attended a STEM session that has you frantically texting ideas to your teaching partner back home. Or maybe it's day three and you have a migraine starting. Take a break. Put your head down on a table somewhere, sip a latte, or check out your favorite Bible verse app on your phone. Thank God for the growth you're experiencing as a teacher-leader. Breathe.

I hope you attend some fantastic ed conferences this year! I'm looking forward to the P20 Educator Conference in Twin Falls, Idaho in July (I'm presenting on Faith and the Classroom Teacher) and the Idaho Super Conference in Boise in October. What conferences are you looking forward to? What are your best tips for avoiding conference fatigue?

A Necessary Rest

In American culture, we hate to take a rest. We love to be busy, complain though we might about our hectic lives. Teachers are no exception. We arrive early, stay late, and sometimes go to school on the weekend. But I was reminded recently that rest is important, too.

I would have liked to keep the news of my pregnancy loss a secret, but I was far enough along that I had told my students--and people could tell I was pregnant by that time. Since they knew about the pregnancy, they had to learn about the miscarriage.

My students and coworkers were wonderful. They prayed for me, found subs, took my miscellaneous extra duties. One teacher even bought my family take-out after seeing me through the day when I found out the bad news.

I took time off work, saw my doctor, and underwent a procedure. This wasn't my first miscarriage. This time, the grief was more physical than emotional. My body had to return to normal; I had to rest.

Resting is hard. We like to be busy, as I mentioned above.

God gave man the Sabbath for rest. Many Christians now take their Sabbath on Sunday, which is my habit. I rest, sing praises, and sit under the preaching of God's Word. There are times in our lives when one Sabbath day is not enough. The loss I recently experienced forced me to rest and to accept help, from people and from God.

"For when I am weak, then am I strong." Again, the verse came home to me. I want so much for God to use me. In order for that to be possible, He must make me see my need.

I hope to have more time for my blog soon. My body is healed; my work load is lightening as the class I am taking winds down. In the meantime, God has blessed me through the gifts of others to me.

Ask for help. Let people give. Let God heal.